COMEDY JOKE 000 jokes on funny videos jokes quotes yo mama humor knock knock racist dirty pranks in hindi chuck norris of the day for kids santa banta adult blonde hilarious Mexican tell me a joke bad momma good funniest short and sexy jokes
Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and
points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best sex in town!"
Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and
bellies up to the bar at the far end. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back,
points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was sw-e-et!"
Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end
of the bar. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!"
Finally the guy interrupts. "Go home, Dad, you're drunk!"
Sexual Exhaustion
A high school English teacher reminds her class of
tomorrow's final exam.
She also tells them that there will be no excuse
for failing to show up,
except for serious injury, illness, or a death in
the student's immediate
family.
A smart-ass jock in the back of the room pipes up
and asks the teacher out
loud, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" The
entire class has all it
can do keep from breaking up, being barely able to
stifle its laughter and
snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher
smiles sympathetically
at
the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says,
"You can write with your
other hand then."
By Irene
Shipwrecked
A man has been shipwrecked on a desert island for ten years. Then
one day he is down at the shoreline when he spots a ship on the
horizon. He frantically waves his arms and jumps up and down
shouting, until he spies a rowboat being let down into the water
from the ship. About ten minutes later the rowboat reaches the
shore carrying a man in a captain's uniform.
"Thank Christ for that!" says our shipwrecked hero, "I thought I was
never going to be rescued."
"How long have you been here?" asks the Captain.
"Ten years, ten long years" replies the man.
"Ten years?" says the Captain, "how have you coped all that time on
your own?"
"Well, I'm quite a resourceful fellow, I've built my own house;
there it is, over there, Number 1!"
"But ten years!" says the Captain, "ten years without sex!".
"Ah well, that's not quite true" says the man shyly.
"What do you mean?" inquires the Captain.
"Well, about six months ago I was down here on the shore washing my
feet, when I noticed an ostrich up the beach with it's head buried
in the sand and it's ass facing me. Well, I thought it's been nine
and a half years, so I crept up behind it and WALLOP!"
"Ugh God, that must have been disgusting!" cries the genuinely
shocked Captain.
"Well, it was alright for the first five miles, but then we got out
of step."
Skydiving
A man goes skydiving for the first time. After listening to the instructor for
what seems like days, he is ready to go. Excited, he jumps out of the airplane.
About five seconds later, he pulls the ripcord. Nothing happens. He tries again.
Still nothing. He starts to panic, but remembers his back-up chute. He pulls
that cord. Nothing happens. He frantically begins pulling both cords, but to no
avail.
Suddenly, he looks down and he can't believe his eyes. Another man is in the air
with him, but this guy is going *up*! Just as the other guy passes by, the
skydiver - by this time scared out of his wits - yells, "Hey, do you know
anything about skydiving?"
The other guy yells back, "Fuck no! Do you know anything about lighting gas
stoves?"
By SteveC
Sunbathing
A rather well proportioned young lady,
spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of the hotel.
She wore a bathing suit the first day but, on the second, being a naturist,
she decided that no one could see her way up there, & she slipped out of it for an overall tan.
She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs.
She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.
"Excuse me, miss," said the flustered little assistant manager of the hotel,
out of breath from running up the stairs.
"The hotel doesn't mind you sunbathing on the roof
but we would very much appreciate you wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday."
"What difference does it make," Joan asked rather calmly.
"No one can see me up here, & besides, I'm covered with a towel."
"Not exactly," said the embarrassed little man.
"You're lying on the dining room skylight."By Emily67
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